


A Mistake You Don’t Regret

by retribution



Category: Free!
Genre: College, Comfort Food, Gen, Loneliness, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Physical Therapy, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-16
Updated: 2015-05-31
Packaged: 2018-03-13 05:18:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3369254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/retribution/pseuds/retribution
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An unexpected visit from Rei dredges up feelings Sousuke had been doing his best to forget.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. the first mistake

Grumbling under his breath, Sousuke drags himself from the comfort of the couch to answer the door.  He has no idea who it could be, other than a neighbor to complain or an unexpected deliveryman, but neither one is a realistic possibility this late in the afternoon.  The only other possibilities, Haru and Makoto, had stopped making their rounds months ago, those painful, awkward visits.  No one else in his acquaintance has been welcomed to his single apartment in Tokyo since.

Someone calls out his name, Yamazaki-san, in a clear and vaguely familiar voice, but he never expects to see him, that butterfly swimmer from Iwatobi High, at his doorstep.

“Ryugazaki?” he mutters, eyebrows crinkling slightly in disbelief.

Rei smiles and brings up one hand holding two full shopping bags.  “It’s good to see you, Yamazaki-san. May I come in please?”

As he is already taking a step forward, Sousuke has to move back to maintain his personal space, and Rei slips into his apartment easily, just like that.

“What are you doing here?” he asks, trailing after Rei.

“Well, I had emailed you and Haruka-senpai that I was looking into universities in Tokyo two weeks ago,” Rei replies as he makes his way to Sousuke’s tiny kitchen.  He glances over his shoulder, sees the uncomprehending look on his host’s face.  “Did I not send it to the correct email address?”

Sousuke had not opened his email account in weeks, probably months, and Rei could surely tell that from his expression.

“Haruka-senpai said that he also texted you that I was coming over today?”

Guiltily, Sousuke tries to not make it obvious that he does not check his phone that regularly, not expecting many calls, and generally bypasses Haru’s texts, which up until today, had been mostly irrelevant or unwanted.  As if on cue, he hears a buzz from his phone on the coffee table; most likely Haru letting him know that Rei is on his way and to be nice, and Sousuke reminds himself to have some stern words with Haru later.

“I forgot it was today,” he lies, unconvincingly.

“Oh, if you are busy, I can just leave these here and come back later.”

“I wasn’t really doing anything.”  He frowns still, eyes narrowing as Rei sets the bags on the counter.  “Did Makoto or Haru tell you where I live?”

Just a second of hesitation, and then Rei nods.  “Yes.  As a matter of fact, I had just returned from visiting both of them, then I headed here as soon as I could to bring you… sustenance.”

“I don’t need anything.”  Not food, and definitely not a phantom from his past that he could really go without seeing ever again, all sparkling and healthy and successful and everything he was not.  “Thanks, but you can keep all this for yourself.”

“I insist, Yamazaki-san, please.”  Rei takes out three neatly wrapped bento boxes from one bag, and indicates to the thermos bottles and various packages in the other bag.  “These are home-made meals for the rest of the weekend, and I brought tea and soup as well.  I even consulted with your parents to determine what to prepare that would be to your particular tastes, so each bento has been customized to meet your nutritional needs.”

With an effort, Sousuke refrains from laughing or rolling his eyes or doing both.  “You didn’t have to go through all that, I’ve got plenty...”

Rei is already opening Sousuke’s refrigerator, one eyebrow raised at the exceptional lack of plenty inside and murmurs, “I see.  I shall try to make some room, regardless.  If you don’t mind.”

Sousuke begins to see for himself how Rin (and the rest of Iwatobi for that matter) folded over for Rei’s every whim.  Even he, who could shut down most people with infallible politeness, was no match for such determined acts of focused, innocent generosity.  With a sigh, Sousuke takes one bento from the stack, gathers the thermoses and cocks his head towards the living room.

“Leave those for now, Ryugazaki.  Come eat with me.”

 

* * *

 

 It isn’t as awkward as he expects, though plenty awkward enough, sitting down for dinner on his couch with a guy from another high school he barely knew and hadn’t seen for over a year.  Thankfully, Rei remains quiet, and as he had already eaten with Haru and Makoto, he pours out two servings of tea for them.  While watching Rei sip his tea from the corner of his eyes, Sousuke polishes off the rice and vegetables and homemade katsu, surprised at his hunger.

“It’s good,” he comments, noticing Rei’s curious and hopeful look.  “Did you ask my mom for the recipe for the sauce or something?”

Rei nods, pleased for the approval, and Sousuke wonders if that is how he stays thin, if he tries to fill himself up with acknowledgement from his seniors in place of meat, like Rin once told him, apparently not so jokingly.

“Well… thanks for bringing the bento by.  I appreciate it.  Did… my parents have anything else for me?”

“No.  Were you expecting something, Yamazaki-san?”

He shakes his head, changes the subject.  “So, what universities were you looking into?”

For the next twenty minutes, Sousuke is regaled by in-depth analyses of three of the top universities in Tokyo, none of which he had applied for himself, each campus’s advantages and disadvantages, the state of their facilities, their academic versus athletic programs, finally ending with Rei seeking his opinion on which he should attend.

“Whichever one accepts you, I guess.”

“But what if all three universities accept my application?  They had accepted my brother, so I am sure there is a good chance I might have to decide between two, if not three.  This decision could affect the rest of my life, so I was hoping to get some input from you or Haruka-senpai or Makoto-senpai, who have been in Tokyo longer...  Yamazaki-san?  Yamazaki-san, are you feeling all right?”  Rei had scooted over from his side of the couch to Sousuke’s side, and using every last bit of his fading willpower, Sousuke keeps his eyes open long enough to register Rei’s concern.

“I’m fine,” he says, trying to not sound as exhausted and as food-sleepy as he feels.  “Just.  Rough day at PT.”

“PT?  You mean, therapy?  I had no idea you were still…  I’m so sorry, I wouldn’t have bothered you if I had known!  I will be out of your way in a minute!”  Flustered, Rei gets to his feet and rushes to put up the rest of the food.  Sousuke follows him back to the kitchen, at a slightly more regal pace.

“Don’t worry about it,” Sousuke tells him, smiling despite himself.  “I mean it, I appreciated the visit, even if I wasn’t expecting it.  This was… nice.”

“Oh.  It’s the least I can do.” Twisting the bags up in his hands, Rei smiles shyly back at Sousuke.  “For a friend.”

They were friends?  He supposes so, though that seems a rather liberal term, as they only ever talked in Rin’s company during high school.  Friend of a friend… of a friend, at most.  Shrugging and then immediately regretting it, Sousuke says, “I’ll clean those up and return them to you when I go home next.  What’s your number again?”

After sharing phone numbers, and thus avoiding any possibility of Haru’s lack of communication messing up future meetings, Sousuke sees Rei out the door with another smile and a wave from his less-sore arm.

 

* * *

 

 

As soon as he closes the door, he texts Haru, asking if he had anything to do with Rei’s bento-sharing visit today.  Sousuke doesn’t expect the answering text to light up his phone screen so soon, a simple “no” with no further explanation, but figures Haru is telling the truth, at least about this.  It’s not that Haru and he are on unfriendly terms these days, it just turned out they are not going out of their way to start something, unfriendly or not.  So he lets it go without further comment.

Swallowing down his trepidation with a gulp of cold tea, Sousuke opens up the internet browser on his laptop and logs into his email account.  There is indeed a new one from Ryugazaki in his inbox dated two weeks ago, a couple from Makoto and one from Haru and even one from Kisumi.  But there is no new email from Rin.

Sousuke slumps back in his chair, exhaling slowly.  It wouldn’t be too much trouble to find out where he lives in Tokyo now, as he had sort of kept in contact with Haru and Makoto when they first moved to attend university, and even if Haru did not regularly volunteer information, Makoto unfortunately does.  However, there is only one person in Rei’s acquaintance who would know his parent’s address in Sano.  That person who hadn’t contacted him in almost eight months, but still talks to some upstart who took his place on an old rival’s team.

For a moment, he considers dialing Rin’s number on his phone.  For a moment, he wants to confront him.  But as soon as he tastes the sour jealous bile on the back of his throat, the urge goes away, draws back like the tide deep down into his core.  He feels empty inside again.

Guess the medications are working after all.

 


	2. want you to want me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It wasn't supposed to end up this way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh woooow, that OVA (or at least what I can gather from screencaps and rantings) and the drama CDs really fucked me over bad for my fics, so I’m just gonna do some damage control and wing it for now. Feel free to vote if you want to see the sad route or the extremely super sad route.

The following Saturday, Sousuke is on the earliest train back home.  He had texted Rei that he was coming to return the dishes, and Rei had offered to meet him at the station so as to not delay him from his homecoming any longer.  It is nice of Rei and he tells him that, but the truth is, Sousuke has no other plans.  That unexpected visit had thrown him off his usual routine, and he just wants to return the bento sets that he passes by every day on his way out of his apartment, and then settle back into a comfortable Rei-less world.

When he steps off the train and does not see Rei waiting for him, he feels a little more bothered than he knows he should, and tries to shake it off without much success.  Maybe something held him up, or he went to the restroom.  As the crowd disperses, Sousuke walks along the platform to find a vending machine, then hears someone calling his name from behind. 

“There you are.”  Rei catches up to him, looking a little breathless.  “Sorry, I didn’t realize I was on the wrong platform until I saw you walking on the next one.”  He smiles a little and asks politely, “How was the ride back, Yamazaki-san?”

“Fine.  Here, I have your stuff.”  Sousuke digs into his bag for the bento sets and finally manages to retrieve them through the haphazard mess of clothes. 

“Thank you.”  Rei takes the shopping bag, glancing briefly down into it before meeting Sousuke’s gaze.  “Well, I hope you have a pleasant stay home, Yamazaki-san, and a safe trip back.  I will see you soon.”

“Wait.”

“Yes?” Pausing, Rei looks back over his shoulder.

Despite his earlier desire to get this over with, Sousuke just thinks it was too much effort for Rei to go out of his way, on his only day off, to meet him in Sano.  He should at least try to make it worth his time instead of just ditching him right away. “I… haven’t eaten yet.  Have you?” 

“Oh.  I had something prepared at home…”

“Oh.”  Why did he open his mouth… 

“But I was saving it for later, so of course I would like to join you if you want to eat something now,” Rei finishes quickly.

“All right.”  This is the Samezuka Academy stop, so he could recall some decent places to eat in the surrounding area.  “It’ll have to be cheap, is that okay?”

“That is perfectly fine.”  Rei’s smile seems to brighten as he follows Sousuke out of the station.

The smile has faded considerably thirty minutes later when they are still walking around the outskirts of Sano, having not yet reached their destination.

“Yamazaki-san… are you sure you know where this restaurant is located?”

“I’m pretty sure.”  Frowning, Sousuke glances up at the sky then around at the buildings.  “But… we might have missed a turn back there.”

“Because I am certain we have walked by this shop twice already.”  With a concerned look, Rei pulls out his phone and begins fiddling with the GPS, trying to get a signal.  Sousuke falls in behind him when he seems to have mapped a route to the restaurant he had in mind, and five minutes later, they are there.

* * *

 

Like before, they did not have too much to say to each other, although Rei did his best, going down the usual topics of conversation such as the weather, a vague mention of the state of the economy, etcetera.  But as they sip on their chosen drinks and take bites of their meals, Sousuke feels the awkwardness return, and he almost regrets asking Rei to join him for lunch.  Rei is appearing more and more uneasy by the minute, clearly trying to avoid conversation topics that might make Sousuke uncomfortable… His injury.  Haru.  Swimming.  Rin… Any combination of his injury, Haru, swimming and Rin… And the growing silence between them is only making Sousuke feel even more uncomfortable.

“Hey.  You can talk to me about whatever you want, you know.”

“I am.”

“I mean… if you want to talk about swimming.  I’m not made of glass, I won’t cry about it.”

“Oh…” Rei summons up a weak grin at that.  “If you want to, Yamazaki-san.”  But Rei still does not say anything, just winding his soba noodles around his chopsticks endlessly without ever bringing them up to his mouth to eat.

“How did your relay team do?” Sousuke finally asks.  He vaguely recalls Makoto mentioning that Gou and Nagisa managed to round up enough swimmers to do a medley relay for the tournament.  Anything to lift this mood.

“We did well,” Rei answers, his expression lightening.  “The other two in our team actually swam with Nagisa in elementary school, and this year they decided to drop their sports activities and join the swim club to do the relay.  We advanced, and placed fourth at regionals.”

“Wow.”  Getting to regionals at all is impressive, considering Rei’s relative inexperience and the addition of two new members to the mix, along with the constant challenge of getting a team ready in time for the tournament.  Now that he thinks about it, Sousuke doesn’t know if Nitori’s team advanced; he assumes they did.  Samezuka always does.  He should ask Momotarou to make sure… 

“Did you do any individual events, Rei?”

Rei nods.  “Butterfly, 100m and 200m.  I did not advance from regionals, but I was happy to have beaten a personal best in both events.”

“You must have worked hard to get such great results.”

Blushing, Rei nods again.  “Our success was all due to the inspiring examples set by everyone else… such as yourself.”

“I didn’t do anything.”  Seeing as he pretty much did the opposite of helping Iwatobi back then.

“You were there for your team, and that was enough.”

By then, they have finished their meal and are soon back on the road, enjoying the cool air and peaceful afternoon.

“Where are we going, Yamazaki-san?”

“I was following you.  Aren’t you going back to the train station?”

Rei brings one hand up to his temples, suppressing a sigh with some effort, before suggesting, “Why don’t I walk you home first?”

“That’s not necessary, Rei.  I know how to get home from here.”

“Come with me.”  Rei grabs Sousuke by the elbow and leads him down the opposite direction they had been meandering until their surroundings grow more and more familiar and they end up at his doorstep. 

“Is this the right place?” he asks, a bit unnecessarily.

“Yes.”  Of course, Rei had been to his house before, probably still had the route saved on his phone.  Checking the mailbox out of habit, Sousuke then unlocks the door and waves Rei on through.

“Oh, actually, I was about to head home now,” Rei says, declining.

“At least charge your phone for a few minutes, in case you need it later,” Sousuke insists.

That seems to change Rei’s mind, and as his phone lies charging on the coffee table, he sits primly on the couch in silence, waiting for Sousuke to put up his bags.  To Sousuke, Rei doesn’t seem whole without Nagisa or Rin with him.  He doesn’t seem right.  It itches at him, makes him want to scream at how wrong this all is.

“So… any luck deciding on which university to enroll in?” he asks abruptly.

At the sound of his voice, Rei shakes himself out of his thoughts.  “Oh, actually, not so much.  I forgot to mention that I had also applied to Kyoto University, they have a very strong research department that I hope to join someday.”

“That’s... not in Tokyo.”

“Right.  It is in Kyoto…”

For some reason Sousuke had always assumed Rei was going to follow Haru and Makoto to Tokyo.  He is not sure Rei would do so well on his own in another city.

“I probably will not be accepted,” Rei continues, “seeing as I haven’t heard anything from them yet, but it would make it easier to get into their graduate chemistry program later if I was able to attend as an undergrad.”

“Well… good luck, anyway.  Any hope of getting a scholarship?”

Rei stares at him blankly.  “A scholarship for what?”

“I don’t know, did you get a recommendation to their athletic department?”

His expression, if anything, becomes even blanker.

“Your advisor never said anything about a recruiter’s letter or phonecall?”

“Oh…  No.  Nagisa and I did not get any recommendations.”

“Why not?  You made it to regionals.”  Obviously Haru and Makoto had been the stronger swimmers on their team, but at their face-off in the tournament last year, the three of them managed to keep pace with Samezuka until the end, so Nagisa and Rei weren’t slow by any means. And this is their third year, so they should have gotten even better.

“There were plenty of swimmers there who were faster than me.  And Nagisa and I were not planning to continue swimming after this year, not competitively at any rate.  Three years of swimming with our friends, I don’t think I could do better.”  Despite his brave words, Rei still appears a little glum.

“Well, I think you ought to have been scouted.”  He hadn’t intended to say anything, but he can guess what Rei must be feeling, and the words just come out.  “Maybe they’ll send you a letter later.  I know the coach at my school would have put you in consideration, if he had been there.”

“Thank you, Yamazaki-san,” Rei tells him, beaming with pride.  “I appreciate that.”

They linger for a few more minutes, it still being early afternoon, and finally Rei excuses himself, taking his phone with him.

Sousuke thinks he has seen enough, enough to confirm his suspicions, and as they walk to his front door, he pauses. 

“Rei.”

“Yamazaki-san?”

“You’ve matured a lot since I last saw you,” he begins.

“Um… thank you?”

“But… you still need a lot of work.  You always reach for your glasses but don’t push them up when you’re telling a lie.”

Rei freezes, a stricken look in his eyes.

“Next time, just tell me what you really want to say.  And when you talk to Rin again, tell him I don’t need a babysitter.”

Gently, but firmly, Sousuke guides Rei out of his house, pushing him onto the front steps.

“Sousuke-!” Rei stammers out as he turns to face him.

“You don’t deserve to call me that.”  It comes out sounding harsher than he intends, but he is tired now.  Sousuke closes the door abruptly in Rei’s face, does not respond when Rei begins hammering on his door from the outside.

“Yamazaki-san!” Rei calls out, desperation tightening his voice.  “I don’t know what you think is going on, but you have to believe me, Rin-san is not involved.  Yamazaki-san!  Open the door, please!  Let me explain!”  The knocking continues for a minute or two but eventually stops, maybe a neighbor is looking at him weird.

If he tries, Sousuke could just make out the sound of someone sniffling quietly outside.  Rin must really be rubbing off on him.  Not that he cares, he thinks, as he tries to pull his hand away from the doorknob but finds himself unable to move.


	3. didn't know I was lost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's not over, no matter how much he wants it to be. Still, Rei does not give anything way.

When Sousuke believes Rei to have finally left, his hand drops from the doorknob, and he is able to move, able to breathe without hurting again.  Then he hears a voice outside, his mother calling his name, which surprises him, as he did not expect his parents home until evening.

For the second time in a week, Sousuke makes the mistake of opening the door.

It’s Rei standing there in his doorway instead of his parents, holding his phone set to speaker mode with his mother still talking on the other end of the line.  A trap, Sousuke realizes, feeling angry and embarrassed, not even a particularly great trap, but he fell for it like a fool. 

That one second of hesitation cost him, and Sousuke could not move fast enough to fully shut the door back on Rei.  Now he discovers for himself that Rei does not get his way by just by being nice.  Because he is clever, too, getting cleverer, and extremely strong, and getting stronger.  With a hurt shoulder, Sousuke cannot deliver enough force to counter Rei pushing against the door, and he acknowledges this almost immediately.  So he steps back, braces himself to catch Rei barreling forward into his arms.

“Yamazaki-san!” Rei exclaims breathlessly, righting himself at the last second to avoid a collision.

Grabbing Rei by the shoulders, Sousuke hauls him further into the house and closes the door.  At least Rei has the presence of mind to disconnect the call, because he is in for an earful that Mrs. Yamazaki would be better off not hearing.

“You little shit.”  Sousuke shakes him once, roughly for emphasis.  “Don’t use my mother like that ever again.”

“It was a recording.  But she would have understood.  I… only want to help.”  Rei’s still reddened eyes glitter wetly behind his glasses, though he betrays nothing more of his distress in his steady voice.  “Yamazaki-san, if what I’ve said or done has bothered you, please tell me!  I never meant to cause you pain.”

Frowning, Sousuke lets go of Rei and looks away.  “…It’s nothing.”

“Clearly it is something.”

When Sousuke refuses to reply, Rei asks quietly, “Why do you think Rin-san has anything to do with this?”

Sousuke glances back at him suddenly, and he is sure he looks as startled as he feels.

“Do you think Rin-san is the only person who cares about you?”

Sousuke laughs, a bitter chuckle that sounds hollow and tired to his own ears.  He doesn’t believe Rin thinks of him much at all, and he would be fine with that, because Rin doesn’t need to worry about him and his failures, not with a dream of his own, a dream of gold and silver and bronze to chase… Except…

“Do you think I am only doing this because Rin-san asked me to?” Rei continues, pressing forward stubbornly.  “That I couldn’t care about you of my own accord?”

Sousuke remains silent, still not meeting Rei’s gaze.  As for that… It actually hadn’t ever occurred to him that Rei could feel any concern for him without Rin around.  He himself barely gave a thought to Rei and Nagisa after the summer tournament his third year of high school, only asking after them if Nitori or Momotarou mentioned them.  The guilt churns his stomach of the lunch he should not have eaten.

“Does it bother you so much that Rin-san cares?  That I care?  Or… is it something else?”

 “Whatever.”  Sousuke does not want to deal with an inquisition any longer.  He turns, but Rei quickly steps around to block Sousuke’s escape, one hand placed square on his chest.

“Yamazaki-san.  Rin-san cares about you, I care, we all care about you.  What does it matter, except that your friends think about you and want you to be happy?”

But that’s just it, it does matter to Sousuke, and clueless Rei doesn’t know, couldn’t guess.  It matters that the two of them are obviously still talking as of recently, when he hasn’t heard from Rin in months, and it matters that they are talking about him, but he is the one left out.  Why couldn’t Rin have replied to his letters just once?  Why is Rei so much more important that Rin responds to him instead?  Why does he care so much, why can’t he let this go, why can’t he move on like he promised?

“I don’t want to talk about it anymore,” Sousuke says with a sigh, removing Rei’s hand from him.  “I’m tired, okay?”

“You can’t use that excuse again,” Rei tells him sternly, and he refuses to move out of the way.  “Just answer me, please.”

“Promise you’ll leave?”

Rei nods, but not with much conviction.

It is worth a try, though, and Sousuke begins haltingly, “I don’t… want it to be you.  Haru or Makoto or Nitori, or even Kisumi checking up on me, I would have been okay with…  Not you.”

“Why?  What did I ever do to you?”

Sousuke grits out reluctantly, each word heavy and harsh as it leaves his mouth, “You… have something I want.  Something that I worked for years at, but you accomplished in one summer.  And then you gave it up.  I wouldn’t have, if I could, but you did.”

“Oh...” Rei blinks rapidly, his mouth closing eventually.  “I did not know.  I…  didn’t know you felt that way.”  He moves one hand up to cover his mouth, looking small and lost and uncertain for a few moments.  “I knew I shouldn’t have talked to you about… about swimming.  I’m sorry, I should have realized sooner.”

Sousuke sighs again.  That wasn’t remotely close, but this is his secret to bear, after all.  “It’s fine.  I said you could talk to me about whatever.”

“Let me make it up to you.  What can I do?”

“Just leave me alone,” he says shortly.  “You’ve done enough damage, Rei, and there’s nothing I want from you.”

“There has to be something I can help you with.  I want to change this.  Yamazaki-san… Please don’t be angry or jealous.”  Rei is definitely close to tears again, judging by the wetness in his voice.

Finding himself inexplicably weak to the sound, Sousuke bids farewell to the last of his willpower.  “Hey, don’t cry.  It’s not worth crying about.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, I wouldn’t be doing something, so, so illogical!” Rei retorts, taking off his glasses and wiping at them furiously with the hem of his shirt.

“Look, you’re crying right now.”  He almost laughs again, remembering the last time he said that, but sobered up again swiftly.  “I…  I shouldn’t have gotten mad at you, that was unfair of me.  It was nothing you could have helped, but at least now you know…” Part of the reason, anyway.

“Are you sure there is nothing I can do to make this better?” Rei asks with a sniff, almost convincingly composed once more.

“There is nothing anyone can do.”  For his hurt shoulder.  For his broken heart.  “Just go home and forget about me, Rei.  Study hard, have fun with your friends, get into that university your brother got into.  You’re almost out of high school.  You don’t have to try to make everybody happy anymore.  Make yourself happy.”

Eyes narrowing, Rei steps in closer to him, close enough so he could feel the warmth radiating off his skin.  Sousuke swallows around the dryness in his throat, suddenly noticing how tall Rei had gotten since their high school days.

“What?” he mutters.

“All right, I agree with you,” Rei declares seriously.  “I shouldn’t be trying to make everybody happy anymore.”

“Good.”

“Just you.”

“…What?”

“I will make you smile again, Yamazaki-san.  A real smile.”  Rei offers a wavering little smile of his own.

“Please don’t.”  Does he look like a charity case or something?  It’s a little insulting.  He has been fine on his own all this time.

Rei must have caught his disgruntled look, but he remains undeterred.  “It would make me happy,” he says softly under his breath.

Trapped again, this time by his own words.  Sousuke really does laugh this time, and the unexpectedness of this reaction startles them both.  “I can’t get rid of you, can I?”

Shaking his head no, Rei says, “Never.”  He turns to leave, and Sousuke follows after him, drawn like the tide to the moon.

“Rei.”

“Yes, Yamazaki-san?”

He debates over what to say next, wonders if it’s worth asking Rei now.  “Ah... Nothing.”

“It’s all right.  You can tell me later,” Rei assures him gently.  “I will try to visit you next Sunday, will that be fine?”

“You do whatever you want, I can’t stop you. You know where I live and what I like to eat and all that, anyway.”

“I will text you when I am free, and I think I might have a new recipe to test out.”  Rei looks ridiculously proud, and Sousuke begins to feel some misgivings about giving him an open invitation to his apartment.

“Hey, don’t you forget these,” he says gruffly.  “You came all the way here for them, take them back.”

“Oh! Thank you, I can’t believe I was about to leave without them.”  Blushing, Rei takes the long-neglected bag of bento boxes from Sousuke.  “Then… this is goodbye, Yamazaki-san?”

“Yeah.  I’ll uhh, see you later, Rei.”

Smart kid, Sousuke thinks, watching Rei make his way back to the train station.  Never answered the question he brought up himself.  Still… he could see why Rin was so fond of him.  Just his type.  While working out a kink in his shoulder, Sousuke lowers himself on the couch to relax, to decompress from the events of the day.  He doesn’t realize how long it takes, until his parents come home with dinner, and long after they finish putting up the dishes from their meal, he is still able to sense where Rei had put his hand on his chest.  But at least it doesn’t hurt, or maybe it does hurt, just not the same as before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m still aiming for a really super sad fic, but now whenever I think of Sousuke/Rei interactions I think of the extra material and laugh a lot. Sorry. Anyway, this is just me stalling a lot because I can’t think of how to make them sex. Yet… But I will do it. Somehow. I have to. Again, thanks for reading, everybody.


	4. how could you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That last chapter was awkward and uncomfortable, this chapter intends to beat it on every measure. I feel like this is more of a conglomerate of all my sourei feelings than a real story with coherent plot, my apologies, but that’s how it goes in my head. Next chapter will have the frick-frack, just so you know. It's gonna get really... explicit. When I get to it. Yep.

As he had promised, Rei arrives the next Sunday at Sousuke’s apartment a little after noon.  Sousuke had completely forgotten about it, had answered the door only in his pajama pants, but he could easily blame that on sleeping in late.  It’s just weird… having someone keep their promises to him. 

“I brought over something Haruka-senpai made, too,” Rei explains brightly, utterly at ease today despite their previous stormy encounter.  “Would you like to try it, Yamazaki-san?”

“No,” Sousuke answers automatically.  Then after a pause, “What did he make?”

Looking amused, Rei tells him, “I will let you have a taste if you change your mind later.”

Together, they eat the homemade lunch, curry udon and grilled mackerel and vegetable croquettes, and all the while, Sousuke watches Rei out of the corner of his eye.  He still can’t find any trace of an ulterior motive, even though he knows Rei must have one.  Why else would he go so out of his way to visit someone he barely knew in the middle of his busy spring term?  Occasionally, he catches Rei watching him too, in between the silences of his self-assured ramblings, smiling warmly at him, as if that would make him smile back.  (He won’t smile back, Sousuke tells himself, no matter what.)

Still, it does feel good, to have someone’s complete attention after weeks and weeks of being alone.  Sousuke cannot deny that, how Rei’s fussing, whatever the reason, fills him up like rain after a drought.  He eventually admits to himself that he enjoys it, this gently concerned interference in his routine, as he eats the vegetables Rei has plucked from his own meal and placed into his bento.  If Sousuke just concentrates on the Rei sitting next to him, on the flicker of his eyes behind his red-framed glasses, the slope of the nape of his neck, the up and down pitch of his expressive voice… he could pretend he really is feeling better, that he is making progress, that he doesn’t miss the fleeting last summer of his high school days so badly.

After Rei returns from putting up their dishes, Sousuke notices he is carrying a bag in one hand.

“What’s that?”

“I just thought… since you haven’t yet put on a shirt…” Rei brings out a roll of brightly colored tape from the bag, explaining, “This is elastic therapeutic tape.”

Sousuke doesn’t even bother to acknowledge the futility of such a remedy, he just asks directly, “Do you even know how to use it, Rei?”

“Of course I do!” Rei protests.  “Do you think you are the only person who has ever injured themselves?  My brother had used it back when he was running for his university track team.”  Rei peels the edge of the sticky tape back a few centimeters.  “If you are not wearing your brace all the time, then maybe this could help.  Even if it doesn’t, it won’t hurt, as long as you take it off after a few hours.”

Sousuke had tried the tape before, but he couldn’t apply it on his own shoulder easily, the reason he gave up after the first trial.  He still had his doubts as to whether it would work, but if Rei is here to put it on, then he wouldn’t say no to trying it again.  Grudgingly, Sousuke explains in a little more detail the nature of his injury, a combination of damaged muscle fibers and tendons, and the worsening nerve pain that shoots through his arm and shoulder and up and down his spine.  Rei looks more and more nervous, but his movements are steady, and so Sousuke relaxes a little, staring straight ahead.  After what seems like forever, Rei finishes applying the tape, a long strip down the base of Sousuke’s neck and over his biceps, an X over the muscles that wrapped around where the humerus met the scapula. He smoothes the edges of the tape down over Sousuke’s neck and shoulder with soothing motions.

“Does that feel any better?” Rei asks.

“It doesn’t feel worse.”  It feels rather pleasant, the way Rei’s fingertips are rubbing into his sore muscles.  Smiling slightly, Sousuke turns to Rei.  “Are you trying to give me a massage?  You’re doing a terrible job.”

Rei quickly withdraws his hands, blurting out, “Oh!  Uhh, I wasn’t, I didn’t realize!  My apologies, Yamazaki-san!”

“It’s fine, keep going.  But harder this time.”

“Are you sure?” Rei’s entire face had reddened, though he looks somewhat proud to have produced a positive response as well.

“Yeah.”  Sousuke moves a little further off the couch so Rei could have some room to maneuver, but his touch is unpracticed and hesitant and just not deep enough to get to the ache around his shoulder blades.  With a frown, Sousuke grabs Rei’s wrist to stop him.

“You might have to step on me, Rei.”

“…Pardon me?” Rei asks, turning even redder than before, trying to work his wrist free.

“Step on my back,” Sousuke explains, though Rei does not seem to understand.  “Actually, how much do you weigh?”

“66 kg?

“…Maybe kneel on me instead.”

“I am not certain I understand what you want, Yamazaki-san,” Rei says, settling on the couch beside him.

“What, you’ve never had a pretty girl give you a back massage like that before?”  Sousuke chuckles at Rei’s sputtering denial of such a thing happening. 

“Really?  I always thought you and Gou…”

Rei’s eyes widen as he exclaims, “I don’t have a death sentence!”  Lowering his voice promptly, he continues, “Actually, I thought… you might be the one seeing her.”

Considering this possibility, Sousuke then sighs and shakes his head.  “Nope.  Rin wouldn’t hesitate to kill me, either.”

“But you’re his best friend.”

“I guess he might kill me later.”  He barely remembers to not shrug and pull at the tape.

“That’s… too bad,” Rei murmurs at last.  Then something occurs to him.  “Oh, which reminds me, Gou-san did tell me she had been wanting a recent picture of you, Yamazaki-san.”

“Oh.”  Sousuke scratches his chin, eyebrows furrowing.  That sounded vaguely familiar…

“…She asked you a few times already, but you never reply to her messages, do you?  You should answer her more often, she cares about you, too, you know.”  Rei looks at him with a disapproving frown, and Sousuke has the decency to feel a little guilty.  He did like Gou, a lot, and never intended to ignore her texts or emails, but… he keeps forgetting to reply.

“Well, let’s take the picture for her now, to say sorry.”  Sousuke scoots in closer to Rei as he takes out his phone, thinking he was going for a selfie with the both of them, but Rei just gives him an odd look.  He instead turns and snaps a photo of Sousuke by himself.

“Uhh, my face is up here.”

“I know, but Gou-san doesn’t want to look at your face,” Rei replies lightly.  For the second time in less than ten minutes, Sousuke is laughing.  He is laughing and turning red and he realizes too late that he has no idea how to react to Rei, who is so logical and yet so naïve, proper and earnest and above all, utterly impossible to figure out.

A few seconds later, there is a chime of a text received from Rei’s phone.  “She says thank you, Yamazaki-san,” Rei announces.  “With a lot of exclamation points, I should add.”

“You do realize… I haven’t even worked out properly in the past 2 months,” Sousuke admits sheepishly.

“I wouldn’t have noticed if you hadn't said anything.  You look as fantastic as ever,” Rei says, radiating pure admiration.

“…Thanks.”  His face still feels hot, and though he glances away and tries to look casual, he senses Rei’s gaze on him, observing him carefully.

“Yamazaki-san… May I come visit you next week?”  Rei’s voice is low, something of strain hovering around its edges.  Sousuke has to look at him now.  His heart hammers in his chest to see Rei so close to him; he doesn’t know how his hand had come to rest on top of Rei’s knee, or when Rei had first rested his fingertips on his shoulder ever so delicately on top of the bandages.  He doesn’t know why it feels right.  He definitely does not know why it makes him want to smile.

He doesn’t know a lot of things, it turns out.  He just knows that he says yes.

**Author's Note:**

> Check out this sad non-Rin/Rei fic I wrote that depressed me so much I didn't continue, but if I did, you can be assured that it will be some extremely miserable Sou/Rei instead of mildly unhappy one-sided Sou/everyone else. (Rating to become explicit quite soon.)


End file.
